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movie_theater_throwing

If there is a special place in Hell, it’s for the people who do remakes of movies that were done right the first time.

Poltergeist
The remake is not inherently bad. If you didn’t see the original, this one could stand reasonably well on its own. However, if you happen to be familiar with the original, this film clearly falls into the “adds nothing new” slush-pile.
As a side note, I am forced to comment that casting a child actor who was a disturbing dead-ringer for the original Carolann (deceased) was as tasteless as this pun.

Psycho
Nothing shouts “zero creativity” louder than a shot-by-shot remake of Alfred Hitchcock’s original classic. I wonder, who approved this? And can I soon part this particular fool from some more of his money?

The Day the Earth Stood Still
No glitz left un-flashed in this attempt to hide Keanu Reeves’s version of Klaatu. His delivery is more wooden than a Gerry Anderson Supermarionation. Michael Rennie is spinning in his grave.

Rollerball
The original’s chilling vision of globalization using bread & circuses to distract the masses, made all the more so poignant since many of its prognostications have sadly come true, has been transformed into a video game by a remake that is a total waste of celluloid.

The Longest Yard
I am by no means a fan of sports films, so it is high praise indeed when I say the original was perfect – hilarious, exciting and heartfelt in all the right places. Remaking it was pointless. Remaking it with Adam Sandler was just horrific.

Big Trouble in Little China
Coming soon to an overpriced theater near you.
Why, Rock? WHY?
The John Carpenter original is a grand knee-slapping romp combining horror and humor. A rare combo not to be missed. I cringe in anticipation of how much of a custer-fluck the remake will turn out to be.

There are scores, if not hundreds, of films that were followed by disastrous remakes. However, they have not graced (disgraced?) this list, because either: I have not seen both the original and/or the remake and therefore cannot render an opinion; or in my opinion, the original was not that hot to begin with (e.g. Wicker Man, which shows up in many other ‘bad remake’ lists).

What’s your story? Do you have a film that was 5-star worthy, remade into a 1-star schlockfest? Leave a comment, and why you believe the remake stinks – I love to hate bad films.

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