When Five Equals One?

Tags

entendre, My Friend Jackson, reviews

My Friend Jackson
Christopher D. Ochs
Pre-Order 9/15/20
Available 10/1/20

Last week, a good friend and I discussed my upcoming book, My Friend Jackson, and the reviews it has garnered. So far, it’s all good news…
Early reviews are in and they’re all ★★★★★!

However, I’ve sent out 50+ requests to book bloggers and professional reviewer services, so there’s no guarantee that my winning streak will continue. Here’s hoping… and what a segue!

My friend — who prefers being identified as “Kikuchiyo” — and I share the same wicked sense of punnery. So it was no surprise that when we locked onto the subject of reviews that “damn with faint praise,” and use phrases that are jam-packed with double entendre, we kept ourselves entertained for at least ten minutes. Here are the ones I can remember, with minimal explanation. I hope you enjoy them as much as we did!

• “I can’t say enough about this book!” — ( … all of it bad! )
• “Everyone needs to know about this book!” — ( … so they don’t buy it! )
• “In a category by itself!” — ( … you get the idea by now … )
• “Words fail me” — (Because I can’t find a socially acceptable way to say ‘@#$%’.)
• “Critics are raving” — (Ahh, so that’s why they always say this for terrible movies!)
• “I can’t give this book enough stars!” — (Because there’s no such thing as negative stars.)
• “I can’t put this book down!” — (If I do, the author’s lawyers will serve me with a libel summons.)
• “The author is at the top of his form!” — (Because it’s only upward from rock bottom!)
• “His magnum opus – a monumental effort” — (It’s the literary version of ‘piled higher and deeper.’)

So “go out in a buying frenzy (–Michael Nesmith)” and read My Friend Jackson. And don’t forget to post a review!

I Detest “Your Favorite Things”

Tags

books, interviews, reviews, writing

Apologies if the above statement raises your hackles, but I do not intend to say that I detest your favorite things, or that I loathe the Sound of Music. It means I dislike being asked “What’s your favorite {anything}?”

My tastes are beyond eclectic. My hobbies are widespread. I have held professional positions in the fields of electronics, physics, math, computer programming, music, graphic arts, computer animation, and of course, writing.

Now comes the problem. With the upcoming release of my book, My Friend Jackson, I will soon be across the internet on blogs, radio, podcasts — anywhere an independent author can crowbar open some space and market his work product. People who know me, will tell you even my personality is a mixed bag of introvert and extrovert. It’s tough to get me going, but once I start, I can easily fill almost any amount of broadcast time and/or print space.

But the question commonly asked in interviews — “What’s your favorite {XYZ}?” — trips me up every time. If I have the presence of mind, I might answer that question with “What time is it?”

My favorite on any topic will change with the month, the day, sometimes even the hour. Music is where I truly have eclectic tastes. One day, I will be listening to a Prokofiev symphony over and over, the next I might be OD-ing on Emerson Lake & Palmer, or any of King Crimson, Andreas Vollenveider, J.S.Bach, Tom Waits, Genesis, Stanley Clarke, Jan Hammer, G.F. Handel, Frank Zappa, Igor Stravinski, Bad Manners, Wendy Carlos, XTC, … well, you get the idea.

Of course, during book tours I’m more likely to be asked what my favorite book is. There I am truly lost. I have no such thing. I may have favorite authors — A.C.Clarke, H.P.Lovecraft and Kurt Vonnegut — but I still would be hard pressed to select one book. Looking across my desk, I fret that my reading pile is now three piles. So who knows if I find a fourth, fifth, etc., favorite author in the near future?
One thing’s for sure – I won’t be bored!

On the topic of new authors, keep your eyes peeled for My Friend Jackson. a YA urban fantasy/horror novel. The tag line?

An Ancient Guardian Has Chosen Her.
Neither the Guilty, the Innocent, nor she are safe.

Bwa-ha-ha-haaa! Amazon pre-orders will start on September 15, and be available on October 1.
OR… you could get a signed copy for free! If you’ve read my previous books, Pindlebryth of Lenland and If I Can’t Sleep, You Can’t Sleep, then file a review for either of both of them on amazon.com. I will select a review at random from each book, and the lucky reviewers will win!

 

A Review of My Reviews

Tags

1-star, 5-star, amazon, goodreads, reviews

I make it a point to file reviews on Goodreads and Amazon for every book that I read. Sometimes I file reviews under my own name, sometimes under an alias. With a little embarrassment, I admit there have been instances when I have posted a review more than a year after I’ve read said book.
But I do file that review.

As an author, it would be hypocritical of me to curse the world for not filing reviews of my own books, then turn around and not file my own reviews of others’ books.

And as much as I despise hypocrisy, I embrace rigorous honesty.
I still remember the exact moment the brilliant thought “If I don’t lie, I won’t have to remember what lies I’ve told” occurred to my thirteen-year-old brain. I thought I was oh-so clever, until I discovered Mark Twain beat me to the punch by more than a century. Oh well, at least I can take solace that I think like Mr. Clemens!

Nevertheless, I try to practice rigorous honesty — though some might say it’s more like brutal honesty. For example, I once told an ex-girlfriend that I was a better cook.
True? Absolutely. Necessary to say that? Well… maybe.

When it comes to my book reviews however, I won’t quibble. I will not freely give out 5-star reviews. They are reserved for those books that left a mark on the core of my being, books that helped define my writing style, and books that I have read again and again. Less than 10% of the books I’ve read are awarded a 5-star rating. And in a true Gaussian distribution, that’s the way it should be!

It greatly disturbs me when readers blithely hand out 5-stars like jelly beans, often with the comment “I liked it.” Really? Do you not understand that the 3-star rating is explicitly tagged “Liked it”? Believe you me, if I give a 3-star rating, that’s exactly what I intended to say: “I liked it.”

At the lower end of the spectrum, if I dole out a 2-star or, Heaven forbid, a 1-star rating, rest assured that I believe the author truly had it coming, and am willing to explain why. That’s rigorous honesty, Buster. The comments I leave with my reviews hopefully prove my passionate honesty for 5-star ratings, and dispassionate surgical honesty for 1-star ratings.

I only hope that when readers file reviews of my own books, they rate them (and comment) with similar honesty. How else am I going to learn, adapt and improve?

So if you have read my books, please file a review!

What Authors Really Want For Christmas

Tags

amazon, goodreads, reviews

Want to give a meaningful Christmas present to a writer?
1) Read their book. Buy or borrow – paper or ebook, it matters little. Buying their book is a nice boost to their bottom line, but it is not the most important part.
2) File a review on Amazon, Goodreads, AND your favorite online book vendor, in that order.

Now here’s the important part.
Don’t just rate it, 1 to 5 stars. Write a few sentences WHY you liked it. Or didn’t like it.
Actual meaningful text, like “I liked the imagery when describing…” or “refreshing to see a hero that…” means the review will pass muster with the Amazon police. They are on the prowl to remove slimy reviews-for-hire. Having original and unique thoughts in your review means Amazon won’t flag it as fake.

What makes the second part the most important?
a) Amazon will promote the book at increasing levels, as milestones of 20 and 50 reviews are met. Exposure is more important than the sale of a single copy of a book, especially for authors not working under sweet-deal contracts with big publishers.

b) Feedback is essential for authors. Especially for me. I cannot improve if I don’t get feedback!
If you like something, Say So. If you didn’t like something or (God forbid!) got confused, SAY SO! If you say nothing, I’ll just continue writing the same old stuff.

Thanks, and Merry Christmas!